LAURA: So do you want to hire us? ASHLEY: No. MARISHA: You would be like our boss. Have you ever wanted to be a boss? Like, in charge? ASHLEY: Well, I am.
LAURA: We could ask you for days off sometimes. MATT: A heavy greenish-grey-skinned mitt slaps onto Beau's shoulder, as you glance over to see the large, well-groomed half-orc man standing there. "I'm terribly sorry, but we've got it taken "care of. If you wish to pay entry, you can, but the rules are the rules. So sorry." LIAM: Do they get stored in some sort of locker or something? ASHLEY: I hold them. And if you want, I can stand right next to you guys. You can keep your eye on me the whole time. TALIESIN: She's very trustworthy. LIAM: That seems fair-ish to me. MATT: "Yasha, does that seem-- all right." MARISHA: I look at him as I take his hand off. What's your name, by the by? MATT: "Bo." MARISHA: Good name. MATT: "Thank you." LIAM: Well, that's funny, because your name is also Beau. MATT: "Really?" MARISHA: You didn't have to-- maybe let me choose when to tell people-- MATT: "No, no, I'm curious about this. How do you spell your name?" MARISHA: Well, it's short for Beauregard. MATT: "Oh, mine's just B-O." MARISHA: That's unfortunate. I mean, it's great. Did kids make fun-- never mind. MATT: "It's not inaccurate." And he flicks the side of his mustache. (laughter) LAURA: Like, is his mustache especially B.O.-y? Like, what? That's really gross. MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Ew. I don't want to perceive this. I'm glad I didn't roll very well. MARISHA: Can I make an insight check? Is he a creep or is he just-- MATT: Make an insight check. Eight? Thankfully, you're not in proximity enough to catch a whiff of his mustache. MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: Okay. Interestingly enough, he seems very well put-together. And he seems like he's just fucking with you. He's having fun, and he's messing with you, and he's just casual and competent and actually pretty well-groomed. He doesn't smell. And he seems more just enjoying the discourse. MARISHA: It's funny, see, my name's Beau because my parents wanted a son. MATT: "Well. If it helps with any other confusion, call me the Breaker. Well, if you see the rest of "the show, perhaps you'll see why I got my name." LAURA: Are you in the show, too? MATT: And he cracks his arms. "I am. Towards the end." TRAVIS: Now I want to see the show. MATT: "Well then. May I?" You can see now the crowd's starting to queue up behind you pretty heavily. "Besides, if you're going to enter, we've got to get through the rest of this riff-raff. Do "you wish to join in?" LIAM: I pull-- all I have is a dagger, but I just hand it to Yasha. LAURA: Just one dagger? ASHLEY: I promise you I will give it back. LIAM: Yes, here you go. ASHLEY: I promise you I will give you all of your weapons back. LAURA: Pinky-swear me, Yasha. ASHLEY: Ugh. I don't like-- LAURA: Yeah! Now we're best friends. Here's my sickle. MARISHA: I have a staff, but I also use it as a walking stick, so I like to keep it on me. TALIESIN: Can you not walk around without it or something? LAURA: She has a really bad limp. MARISHA: Sometimes I get a little twinge, a little disc issue. TALIESIN: Can you hand me your staff so I can watch this? I want to see this limp of yours. Purely for my own entertainment. MARISHA: Are you patronizing me, Mollymauk? TALIESIN: No, I'm hoping that you're going to patronize us. (laughter) MARISHA: Can I keep my stick? (laughter) ASHLEY: How about this? I'll take it, and I can just carry you to your seat. MARISHA: Deal. LAURA: How are you carrying all of these weapons? ASHLEY: Because I'm really fucking strong. (laughter) ASHLEY: You. Can I give him a pat-down, because you're-- MATT: Sure, roll an investigation check. I'll give you advantage because you're really good at this. LIAM: I open up the coat just so she can see the books. ASHLEY: I don't think I find anything. 12. MATT: You find two books and a modicum of change and nothing else on him. He's actually pretty sparse as far as collectibles and keepsakes. ASHLEY: I just thought your chest looked rather square, so I wanted to see what was happening. LIAM: I'm practically concave. Is it concave or convex, I forget? ALL: Concave. MARISHA: Convex would be funny. (laughter) SAM: I'll hand her my shortsword, but not my little crossbow. MATT: Okay, make a sleight-of-hand check to try and hide that. SAM: Four. Oh, wait. 12. MATT: You have advantage on that, technically, right? Dexterity checks? SAM: Well, did you give me dexterity or just stealth? How does that work? LAURA: I think it's just stealth checks with the blessing. MATT: Let me double-check that real fast. ALL: Going to the book. MATT: What the heck! SAM: We're playing First Edition, right? MATT: No, it is stealth. You're correct. Yeah. LAURA: Sorry, I wish I wouldn't have said it and then you could have had advantage just then, but I'm not a cheater. SAM: No, you're not. LIAM: Out of game. MATT: You see him slowly pocketing this crossbow. ASHLEY: No, no, no. Little girl. SAM: I'm just a little girl. ASHLEY: Give me your other weapon. SAM: This is a toy for little children. All right, here. I'm sorry. LAURA: Are you keeping track of what goes with what person? Because it's a lot. TALIESIN: She's very good at this. ASHLEY: I'm very good. LIAM: I just drag Nott five feet over. That is two strikes against you. I think we should really just sort of enjoy the show tonight. SAM: All right. But what if someone attacks us? LIAM: Well, I'll handle that for you, okay? SAM: All right. MARISHA: Also, little girls don't tend to tell people they're little girls. SAM: This is my first time. (laughter) LIAM: When someone is a goblin in the middle of a town where people hate goblins-- LAURA: Stop saying the word 'goblin'. People are going to hear you. SAM: I mean, she's kind of right. (laughter) LIAM: Technically, I dragged her away, but you know, D&D is funny with what is known and not. TALIESIN: I heard you over the earring. ALL: Aww. LIAM: RIP. ASHLEY: Wait, I didn't get your weapon. TRAVIS: Hah. ASHLEY: Do you want to stare at me all day, or do you want to give me the weapon so you can go watch the show? TRAVIS: That's an interesting choice. ASHLEY: It's not really a choice. TRAVIS: Sure. MATT: What do you pull out? TRAVIS: My falchion. SAM: Your what? MATT: A falchion, a large, curved sword, emerges from a sheath on his back. SAM: What is that? ALL: It's a large, curved sword. (laughter) ASHLEY: I twist it around a little. Play with it. This is nice. TALIESIN: Very nice. ASHLEY: I like it. SAM: It's a falchion! LAURA: You're going to hang out with us the whole night? ASHLEY: I'll hang out beside you so you can watch. MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: 11. MATT: 11, that's enough. As she spins the falchion around, you notice that, affixed to her back, in uncharacteristically clean leather towards the rest of her outfit, what appears to be a slung-over sheath and a very large bladed weapon, larger than your falchion, affixed to her back. MARISHA: I just like how everyone says 'falchion'. LIAM: It's pronounced 'felching'. (laughter) TALIESIN: I'm going to pick up my cards in a very specific order very quickly and start stacking the deck. ASHLEY: All right, well. If you want to follow me, I'll take you to your seats and I'll stand beside you the whole time. TRAVIS: Fucking lead the way. TALIESIN: Hey, Jester. Before you go. Tiefling to tiefling, and thank you for keeping this rabble in check. LAURA: Of course, you know, they're a lot to handle. TALIESIN: One on the house. And I pull two cards. LAURA: Yes? What are you telling me? TALIESIN: I pull the Moon and I pull the Shadow. Does this mean anything to you? LAURA: Oh, yes. TALIESIN: Well, think about it. Put it away. ASHLEY: Beau. MATT: Both her and the half-orc turn to you. ASHLEY: Little one. I just go over and I fireman-style over my shoulder. Since you can't walk. MARISHA: Oh. (laughter) MATT: Just carries her right in. Perfect.
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